


Crimson Skies and Onyx Lies

by 101WingedWarrior101



Category: GOT7
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, agnst, based off a true story (my life), broken!yugbam, sucidal thoughts, what am i doing with life, yugbam - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 18:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10496739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/101WingedWarrior101/pseuds/101WingedWarrior101
Summary: Broken heart.Fighting the demons in his head.Always thrown down in the dust, bleeding.Welcome to the life if Kim Yugyeom, which may be a very short life indeed





	

Hello, I'm Kim Yugyeom.  
And this is my story.

 

I remember when we were younger.

I met him somehow, neither of us remember. It was in the first year of college, though.

We played together, stuck together, even though none of my friends liked him.

Next year, we were in separate classrooms. Didn't talk, only exchanged ‘Hi’s occasionally in the hall. He wasn't a big part of my life.

In the third year, we were back together. Same homeroom. We tormented people together, laughed together, had countless inside jokes, even made our own language.

But the only thing that tinted this time with black was my head.

Poisonous thoughts, woven into each fabric, every second, of my day.

Whispering to me, ‘You aren't good enough. No one likes you. Why are you even trying? What is the point in living?’

I began to think about suicide. It sounded nice, no more pain, no more anything.

Then, he showed me something.

A four minute music video.

It changed my life.

I loved the style of music. I thought about it everyday, listened to it everyday, and it became my life.

It did the impossible. It pulled me from the brink.

Fourth year was better, no thoughts or depression or self destruction.

And I discovered writing.

I would write stories, putting the characters in real life into black and white, into different plots and scenarios.

I tied flesh and bone and sinew to the page. I created worlds out of thin air, made people, interacted with them on the page. I created imagination, I made people happy, and I was happy.

I was the happiest I had ever been.

Now in the fifth year, we are in different buildings. We consider each other friends in speech but I believe he has replaced me in his head.

I miss the old him, the one who would laugh with me, who supported me, who knew what I wanted and when I needed emotional uplift.

He calls me boring, he says he would rather talk to my other friends.

He seems to hate me, only allows himself to be seen with me because he feels that that's what people expect.

And he always looks at me with those eyes.

Those eyes that brim with hate.

Sometimes, his old self will pop up here and there, shining through the gloom, making me long for the old days.

But then the monster is back, beating and abusing me.

And now, I fight the demons in my head again.

The dust of shame settles around me, coating me in agony and despair. I cry out for help in my desolate imagination, in a landscape of rocks and dirt and sand, but it's never heard.

I try to scale mountains, but I always fall.

I try to defeat the demons, but I’m always the one left bleeding on the floor.

Leaves drift around my head.

Pain takes away pain. I have learned that. It helps, but only for a second.

Flowers are in a field, across a stream. I can see them, but I can't touch them.

His words shouldn't hurt me this much. His words shouldn't make me feel like this again. He was the one who gave me my life, but he is the one taking it away again.

Because I did something that he shouldn't ever hear about, something he can't ever hear about.

I fell in love, and I pay the price a thousand fold every day.

One time, he told me, “Who would ever like you? Nobody, that's who.”

He was right.

Red lines on pale skin.

Pain combating pain.

Life dripping onto the stone.

Red painting the sky.

I scream, I cry, I try to fight, to break free of the black thread that touches my thoughts, taints everything in black and white.

But even though my throat is worn out and drips with crimson, no one hears me, because no one cares enough to pay attention.  
I might be leaving it all soon.

I might not.

I'm not brave enough.

But how do I continue?

I wish to be free, yet I find myself chained to the earth in chains of diamond.

But they're cracking, and if they break, I am scared I will float away.

Memories scattered in the air.

Yet I also want to break free.

Ashes flying through the wind.

A single tear.

Dropping into space.

Forever lost.

So I write this, emotion into words, black hole of my heart taking over me.

I don't think I can survive for much longer.

So I say goodbye now.

Goodbye.

And I'm sorry.

Goodbye BamBam, my love, my heartbreaker, my abuser, my friend.

You were the one I trusted. I placed my life in your hands.

And you broke me without a single thought.

 

“Forever, we are young, under the flower petals falling down, I run lost in this maze.”  
-BTS, Forever Young

**Author's Note:**

> Ahem.
> 
> What does one say after writing this?
> 
> Oh well.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this oneshot ^^
> 
> If you're going through anything like this, contact me and I'll be glad to listen and help *^*
> 
> Love you beauties <3


End file.
